Nothing
by Sayuri1
Summary: ﻿A brief look at the musings inside Omi’s head during an afternoon at the koneko... [shonen-ai] [complete]


Author: Sayuri  
Email: sayuri_tama@hotmail.com

Title: Nothing  
Rating: G

Pairings: none  
Spoilers: none

Warnings: Angst, Shonen ai, hints at Heterosexuality (sorry!)

Type: short Omi-centric one-shot

Summary: A brief look at the musings inside Omi's head during an afternoon at the Koneko

//internal thoughts

_inner voice //_

Nothing__

The sun filters in through large windows, falling gently on green leaves and soft petals. Honeyed hair glitters like spun gold over eyes that dazzle and a laugh that rings clear and deep.

Blue eyes see the smiles of young girls, wrapped in flowers and sunlight and beauty, falling around the shoulders of a tall blonde angel whose eyes know sadness and pain, whose heart is...__

_//...as lonely as yours? //_

A sigh of frustration, a downward glance. __

// I want him.__

_Get over it._

I can't!__

_Why not?_

Because he's perfect.__

_Nobody's perfect._

Well, he's perfect for _me_.__

_Why?_

Because he's everything I ever wanted.__

_What's that?_

Kind. Understanding. Deep. Intense. Dark. Bright. Warm. Strong. 

_Sounds like a complicated person._

Yes. And he's just like me--only different.

_Different? How?_

Well_...he's_ beautiful.__

_So it's about his body, is it?_

No. It's a beauty that's inside. A beauty that shines out through eyes that make me dizzy. That's shown in a smile and heard in a laugh I could drown in.It's a beauty I can't understand, and long to touch. I want him.__

_Are you what _he_ wants?_

No. __

_Then why torture yourself?_

Because he's like a flame, and I'm a moth. I need to be near him, even though I know that I'm going to be burned. __

_Is it worth the pain?_

Yes.__

_Why?_

Because I love him.__

_Love? How do you it's love?_

Because when I'm with him I never want to leave his side. I want to hold him and protect him from harm. Because I would kill for him, die for him, and do anything in between to see him smile. Because when I'm around him I turn into a puddle of goo inside and all klutzy on the outside. Because I feel I can open the gates inside of me and let him into my broken places, and because I want to be let into his.Because when he looks as me, I feel alive.And because when I'm with him I can forget that my life is pain. If that's not love...__

_But he doesn't feel the same?_

No. He can't even_ begin_ to consider me like that. 

_Like what?_

As anything more than a friend. 

_Why not?_

Well, for starters, he wants a woman. Hell, he wants _lots_ of women. __

_And if he didn't...?_

Don't ask that! I can't go there. I can't _do_ that. It's not fair!__

_What's not fair?_

It's not fair to imagine what could be, to pursue the impossible questions. I'm a boy. He doesn't want me. He wants something else. End of story! Last page, final act, finite! So you see, what _I_ want is irrelevant. I have to accept that it can't be. I have to move on. 

_Even if it means dying a bit inside?_

Yes.__

_Will you ever tell him how you feel? Give _him_ a chance to tell you that it's "irrelevant?"_

Are you crazy? I mean, am _I_ crazy? Probably, considering that I'm arguing with a voice inside my head...But really, tell Yohji?! Of course not!__

_Why?_

There's a million reasons!Because that wouldn't be fair. Because I can't burden him. I can't risk hurting him. Because if - when -- he rejects me I'll probably never see him again. Because he might laugh at me, and I couldn't handle that. Because I know what will happen and I'm afraid to face it. Because the feelings are too strong and if I let them out...I'll go to pieces.__

_And this storm inside of you is a better alternative to the truth?_

Yes. When the truth would hurt him, and lies hurt only myself, then yes, I'd rather suffer in silence. To hell with the truth setting you free. _//_

"Omi, what the hell are you doing? Snap out of it! You're supposed to be watering the ferns, not the floor!" 

"Oh! Gomen, Yohji-kun!"

"It's okay, I'll grab the mop. What were you thinking about, anyway? You looked like you were on another planet or something." 

"Oh, nothing."

"You sure?"

"Hai. It's nothing." 

A smile. 

Nothing at all. 


End file.
